HPRE

Menu

Members Rides

2011 B5


in
Members Rides

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
December 22, 2014, 02:11:54 AM

Login with username, password and session length

 

Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 8105 times)

barenekd

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 5440
  • Karma: 0
Re: JOTD
« Reply #165 on: October 07, 2014, 04:31:02 PM »
She: I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I need you to give me a compliment.

He: Your eyesight is damn near perfect!
2013 Moto Guzzi V7 Racer
2011 Black Classic G5 (RIP)
I refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death
http://www.controllineplans.com

gizzo

  • Grease Monkey
  • ****
  • Posts: 349
  • Karma: 0
Re: JOTD
« Reply #166 on: October 07, 2014, 09:27:22 PM »
Q: Why do farts stink?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
simon from south Australia
Continental GT
Suzuki Savage bobber
Pantah
Monster
DR250

Scotty Brown

  • Scooter
  • **
  • Posts: 62
  • Karma: 0
  • Scotty Brown
Re: JOTD
« Reply #167 on: October 10, 2014, 11:34:39 PM »
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.........."Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"
Being a 'Kind Hearted Scotsman' he thought, "What the heck...I'll treat her!"
So, they walked past it again......

Arizoni

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 4548
  • Karma: 1
  • "But it's a dry heat here in Arizona
Re: JOTD
« Reply #168 on: November 01, 2014, 04:24:58 AM »
Farmer Browns daughter had gone off to College and when she got there she took her belongings to her room in the Dorm.

While talking with the other girls she found that they all were getting bicycles and, wanting to fit in she sent her father a letter saying,

"Dear Dad:  All of the girls here are buying bicycles.  Could you please send me $100 so I can buy one too?  I know the other girls will be more friendly if I have a bicycle like theirs.
Love Vicky"

The father was not a rich man but he loved his daughter dearly so he scrimped and saved for the $100 to send her.

After a month, he had the money saved so he sent it to Vicky but by then, the fad had changed.  The other girls had sold their bicycles and bought pet monkeys.  Vicky joined them and used the $100 to buy herself a small monkey too.

Things went well for a few weeks but then, her monkey got very sick.
It was so sick the hair started falling off of it.

Vicky figured her dad was a farmer and knew all about sick animals  so he should know what to do to help so she wrote him another letter saying:

"Dear Dad.  The hair is falling off of my monkey.  Please tell me what to do.
Love Vicky"

Her father wrote back saying:

"Dear Vicky:  Sell the bicycle!
Love Dad"
Jim
2011 G5 Deluxe
1999 Miata 10th Anniversary

mattsz

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 2959
  • Karma: 0
  • moto-gurdyist
Re: JOTD
« Reply #169 on: November 02, 2014, 09:28:47 PM »
The Will:

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.  His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.  He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the as*hole had a paper route!"