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Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 3612 times)

mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #135 on: February 15, 2014, 08:56:21 PM »
Got this in an email - stolen from who knows where...

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
 
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”
 
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”
 
And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

heloego

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #136 on: February 16, 2014, 07:29:30 AM »
Man, I hope there aren't any dumb blondes in this forum...

A blonde is racing her Mustang down the pike when she's stopped by a blonde police officer who asks to see her license.
The racing blonde says" It's right there on the back of the car."
The blonde officer explains that the license is most likely in her hand bag and about the size of her compact.
The blonde in the car digs around and hands the officer the compact.
The officer opens it up, looks at the mirror, and says " Oh! If I knew you were an officer I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
A&P means "Airframe and Powerplant", not the grocery store. :-)

Darkside

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #137 on: February 19, 2014, 07:44:23 PM »
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "There's nothing to confess. Everything's alright." "No I must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "That's why I poisoned you, now close your eyes.  :o
NON TIMEBO MALA.

DonK

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #138 on: February 24, 2014, 09:18:49 AM »
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he’s doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blond women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in
general…pathetically all in the name of humor!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

“You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little shit on your lap.”

mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #139 on: March 21, 2014, 08:51:00 AM »
I like that one!

This thread has been quiet too long:


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
"How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of The Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jaysus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, he got out three times to pee."


DanB

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #140 on: March 21, 2014, 10:17:25 AM »
This was forwarded to me... thought it worthy of a Friday:

You have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.
This one gets First prize...



I e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back:
If light stay on for more than 4 hour, call erectrician.
(This make me raugh out roud)
Suppose I were an idiot, and suppose I were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. ... Mark Twain
2006 AVL Electra