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Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 5748 times)

mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2013, 11:37:18 PM »
somebody just forwarded this one to me; I don't know its source.  But it seems appropriate - it has Guinness in it!  8)

MALE VS. FEMALE LOGIC:

Woman: Do you drink Guinness?

Man: Yes.

Woman: How many a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $9.00.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a Guinness costs $9 and you have 3 a day which puts your spending each month at $810. In one year, it would be approximately $9855 …correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $9855, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $197,100... correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much Guinness, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink Guinness?

Woman: No.

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

D the D

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2013, 03:35:12 AM »
I like that one!
'07 Iron Barrel Military (Deceased 14 September, 2013)
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1975 XLCH

REdmonton

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #17 on: September 05, 2013, 03:42:27 AM »
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says the something.

D the D

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #18 on: September 05, 2013, 04:07:16 AM »
I think Congress should declare war on Canada instead of authorizing intervention in Syria.  After all, Syria didn't send Celine Dion and Justin Bieber here.
'07 Iron Barrel Military (Deceased 14 September, 2013)
2014 Yamaha Bolt R Spec V-Twin
1975 XLCH

ridgerunner

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2013, 08:14:02 AM »
What does the Dalai Lama order at a hot dog stand?

"Make me one with everything" ::)
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The Enfield saves on gas, riding the Enfield saves on Prozac. ;)

D the D

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2013, 02:27:24 PM »
What does the Dalai Lama order at a hot dog stand?

"Make me one with everything" ::)

I don't get it.  :-[
'07 Iron Barrel Military (Deceased 14 September, 2013)
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1 Thump

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2013, 04:01:38 PM »
Make me one with everything....in a spiritual way unite me with the creation of the creator.

D the D

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2013, 04:28:02 PM »
Oh.
'07 Iron Barrel Military (Deceased 14 September, 2013)
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mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2013, 05:50:42 PM »
[insert crickets chirping sound here]

ROVERMAN

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2013, 07:11:13 PM »
All right, one more try at dry English humor.
Large building site with it's own cafeteria. A group of several workers love to harass the cook by asking for outlandish foods all time, knowing full well they don't have it.
Said cook had had about enough, so when they came in for lunch he was ready.
 "What can i do for you fellas today" says the cook. Worker says with a sly grin "Ow about an' Elephant's ball's sandwich". The cook ponders this for awhile and replies "Sorry mate were all out of bread!"
 ;D ;D ;D Apologies in advance.

mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2013, 07:54:25 PM »
BTW, ridgerunner, I love the Zen master and hotdog salesman one!  One of my favorites - quick, clean and funny (don't pay no attention to that D the D!).  One of my other favorite all-ages jokes, from Prairie Home Companion's joke show:

Q: what did the zero say to the eight?

A: nice belt!


And for D the D, just in case:

Q: What did the 0 say to the 8 ?   ;)

REdmonton

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2013, 10:58:05 PM »
What does the Dalai Lama order at a hot dog stand?

"Make me one with everything" ::)

The Dalai Lama gives the hot dog vendor $10 and the vendor hands over the hot dog.
The Dalai Lama asks, "Where's the change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

DanB

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2013, 11:20:20 PM »
Ha!  Thanks for that!
Suppose I were an idiot, and suppose I were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. ... Mark Twain
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Ice

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2013, 12:24:44 AM »
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?



A: One, if the light bulb is willing to change.


I can break it better,,,,at night, in the rain, on the trail,, 20 miles from nowhere.

REA #136

"TIMEX", the '06 Iron Barrel Military that takes me everywhere I want to go... and some places I shouldn't.

D the D

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2013, 12:39:21 AM »
My blonde sister just got two new dogs.  She says she named them Rolex and Timex.
I asked why she didn't give them normal names like Spot and Rover.
She said; "They're WATCH DOGS stupid!'   
'07 Iron Barrel Military (Deceased 14 September, 2013)
2014 Yamaha Bolt R Spec V-Twin
1975 XLCH