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Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 4988 times)

WillW

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #45 on: September 13, 2013, 08:39:30 PM »
Darned if I can see it...

2010 Royal Enfield Electra (G5) DL

2004 Kawasaki W650
~ the best british bike they never made ~

barenekd

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #46 on: September 13, 2013, 08:43:23 PM »
Can't see the forest for the trees, huh?
Bare
2013 Moto Guzzi V7 Racer
2011 Black Classic G5 (RIP)
I refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death
http://www.controllineplans.com

barenekd

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #47 on: September 13, 2013, 08:44:31 PM »
Yeah, I was going to have a wet dream last night, but I fell asleep first!
Bare
2013 Moto Guzzi V7 Racer
2011 Black Classic G5 (RIP)
I refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death
http://www.controllineplans.com

Ice

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  • Ride In Paradise Cabo, Don and Ernie
Re: JOTD
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2013, 12:46:18 AM »
I need glasses  :o  ;D  ;)
« Last Edit: September 14, 2013, 12:54:16 AM by Ice »
I can break it better,,,,at night, in the rain, on the trail,, 20 miles from nowhere.

REA #136

"TIMEX", the '06 Iron Barrel Military that takes me everywhere I want to go... and some places I shouldn't.

GreenMachine

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #49 on: September 14, 2013, 01:22:40 AM »
The forest has some bodacious trees..u guys r blind.
Oh Magoo you done it again

Ice

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #50 on: September 14, 2013, 02:14:38 AM »
The forest has some bodacious trees..u guys r blind.

 We know.
 ;D
I can break it better,,,,at night, in the rain, on the trail,, 20 miles from nowhere.

REA #136

"TIMEX", the '06 Iron Barrel Military that takes me everywhere I want to go... and some places I shouldn't.

TWinOKC

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #51 on: September 17, 2013, 02:16:34 AM »
'Involuntary Muscle Contraction'
 
Donít be a prude, this is darn funny!
 
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.í

 
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.
 
 
 
 
 
 
2010  C5  Teal
Triumph Bonneville T100

Tiny Tim

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #52 on: September 17, 2013, 03:00:13 PM »
How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

One up the ladder and a dozen or so below all mumbling "You know, that could have been me up there"
REgards

Tiny Tim

"Whilst it isn't possible to polish a turd, you can always roll it in glitter"

2005 Electra AVL

WillW

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #53 on: September 17, 2013, 05:14:23 PM »
My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship.
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!
2010 Royal Enfield Electra (G5) DL

2004 Kawasaki W650
~ the best british bike they never made ~

Darkside

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #54 on: September 19, 2013, 03:05:13 AM »
I was in a London pub on a Saturday night. Had a few pints! I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?


One of them turned to me and screamed, "It's Wales, you IDIOT!"


So, I immediately apologized, and said,  "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

That's all I remember!!!   
« Last Edit: March 27, 2014, 01:20:26 AM by Darkside »
NON TIMEBO MALA.

Buckeroo

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #55 on: September 21, 2013, 02:12:13 AM »
It's behind the two little white hills.
This bike was stored for 3.5 years.  It had fallen on its side for awhile. I claimed it about a year and a half ago. Thus the low miles and inexperienced owner.
2008 Bullet Electra Classic 500
Classic Frame and AVL motor
Electric Start
Electronic Ignition
5 speed
CV Carb

Arizoni

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #56 on: September 21, 2013, 04:33:55 AM »
A caterpillar was making his way across a large field when suddenly a large bird swooped down from the sky and swallowed him whole.

The caterpillar was determined not to become digested so he worked with all of his might in the direction that the stuff around him seemed to be moving.

After a great deal of work he suddenly found his head sticking out the rear of the bird.

He looked about and realized they were flying.
Far below him he could see the large trees,  the cows in the fields, the farmers tractor, the barn and the and the farmhouse.  They all looked like tiny toys.

Bending around to look forward the caterpillar shouted to the bird, "How high are we?"

The bird glanced back and yelled, "We're about 15,000 feet high and going over 50 miles an hour."

The caterpillar shouted back, "You wouldn't be shitting me would you?"
« Last Edit: September 21, 2013, 04:36:32 AM by Arizoni »
Jim
2011 G5 Deluxe
1999 Miata 10th Anniversary

mattsz

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #57 on: September 21, 2013, 09:45:59 AM »
grrr...

TWinOKC

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #58 on: September 22, 2013, 03:15:07 AM »
 A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Dakota prairies
without water.

His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling
along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath,
when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several
yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase.  He opens it and out pops a genie.  But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing an Internal Revenue Service ID badge and
a dull grey dress.  There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a
pencil tucked behind one ear. ''Well, cowboy,'' says the genie,
''You know how I work ... You have three wishes.''

''I'm not falling for this,'' said the cowboy,

''I'm not going to trust an IRS genie.''

''What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!''

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.

''OK! I wish I were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.''

***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'' 

''My second wish is that I was rich .... beyond my wildest dreams.''


** *POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

''OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.  Better make it a good one!''

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, ''I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.''

***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:

If the U.S. government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached...
2010  C5  Teal
Triumph Bonneville T100

Arizoni

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Re: JOTD
« Reply #59 on: September 22, 2013, 07:10:36 AM »
A young Lieutenant was assigned to a Legion post in the Sahara desert.

After stowing his gear and meeting with the brass he asked his Sergeant, "What do the men do to relieve their sexual urges out here?"

The Sergeant answers, "They use the camel, Sir."

The Lieutenant thanks the Sergeant and thinks to himself, "My God!  There is no way I could lower myself to doing something like that!"

Months pass and the Lieutenant can't take it any longer so he calls the Sergeant into his off ice and says, "I asked you before about what the men did to relieve their sexual urges and you mentioned that they use the camel.  Where can I find it?"

The Sergeant reply's, "She is in the camel shed at the South end of the fort, Sir."
The Lieutenant again thanks him and heads out the door turning to the South.

A short time later, hearing a great commotion the Sergeant looks into the camel shed.  Seeing his Lieutenant doing the unspeakable he says, "Sir?  The men just ride her to town." 
Jim
2011 G5 Deluxe
1999 Miata 10th Anniversary