HPRE

Menu

Members Rides

Grocery Getter


in
Members Rides

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
September 18, 2014, 09:50:58 PM

Login with username, password and session length

 

Author Topic: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this  (Read 526 times)

scoTTy

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 2459
  • Karma: 0
WHY MY WIFE WON"T TAKE ME SHOPPING
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.  Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
 
 
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.  Get on it right away'.  This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'  EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'  One of the clerks passed out.
!
« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 03:49:58 AM by scoTTy »

Cabo Cruz

  • Papa Juan
  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 2332
  • Karma: 0
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2009, 04:19:36 AM »
 :D :D :D
Long live the Bullets and those who ride them!

Keep the shiny side up, the boots on the pegs and best REgards,

Papa Juan

REA:    Member No. 119
BIKE:   2004 Royal Enfield Sixty-5
NAME: Perla

1Blackwolf1

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 3614
  • Karma: 0
  • Looking for the next rebuild project....
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2009, 12:17:33 PM »
  I don't care who you are that's funny.  Will.
Will Morrison
2007 500 Military
2000 Kawasaki Drifter 1500
2000 Victory V92SC
1976 Suzuki GT185 Rebuilder Special..AKA (Junkyard Dog)
Many, many other toys.
The garage is full.

scoTTy

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 2459
  • Karma: 0
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2009, 03:28:13 PM »
yea that was an e-mail someone sent me..I thought it was kinda funny too

I liked #2,7 and 12, and of course 15..

when I was young I worked in a old farm store where the fitting room was always being used,,

1Blackwolf1

  • Grand Gearhead
  • *****
  • Posts: 3614
  • Karma: 0
  • Looking for the next rebuild project....
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2009, 05:22:20 PM »
  I personally liked #8 and #10 best.  That would createsome problems I'm sure.  Will.
Will Morrison
2007 500 Military
2000 Kawasaki Drifter 1500
2000 Victory V92SC
1976 Suzuki GT185 Rebuilder Special..AKA (Junkyard Dog)
Many, many other toys.
The garage is full.

hocko

  • Grease Monkey
  • ****
  • Posts: 271
  • Karma: 0
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2009, 10:56:07 PM »
Excellent, the trouble is that I can relate to some of them. Scary isn't it.

 :o Cheers

jest2dogs

  • Grease Monkey
  • ****
  • Posts: 455
  • Karma: 0
Re: why my wife won't take me shopping--perhaps you've already seen this
« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2009, 03:32:44 AM »
During my engagement to my first wife, my ex and I were rather "playful" and during a visit to Safeway she instigated a game of "catch". She would run down a parallel aisle and shout, "Over the Cheerio display!" and I'd look up and here come's a roll of toilet paper or a loaf of bread. I'd holler back, "Over the Fruit Loops!" and toss it back.

This went on throughout the store until suddenly my wife disappeared and an Assistant Manager appeared in front of me with his arms folded across his chest.
"Sir your juvenile shenanigans are not appreciated. You could easily endanger another customer or, at the least, knock down merchandise. I will have to ask you to leave."

"...but my wife..." Hmmm, my wife. Where is my wife?

I spied her peaking around a "Leggs" display. She was giggling herself to pieces after having pulled the Assisitant Manager in on the "shenanigans".

We had fun, but, sadly, it didn't last, we got married.

-Jesse
"Ennie" 2006 RE Bullet Classic 500
Commuter Scooter Commuted to "Otherside"
"Geezer" 2007 Moto Guzzi Breva 750 died and reborn as...
Yet, un-named, 2005 Moto Guzzi Breva 750